I know I am not the only one who has ever asked this question. I could say I have all understanding of why I go through what I go through, but that of course would be a lie. What I can say though is every tear, every pain, all the grief, the hurt others had caused, ALL of it has been used in my life to show the goodness of God. You might wonder what I mean, how could God use grief for goodness? How can the thing that is breaking my heart at this very moment, be of any good?
Let me tell you just one story, but it is one of the most redeeming of my life. These last 7 years have been some of the hardest years I have ever lived, even after reconciling my life to God's hands completely, mending a rocky marriage, and getting counseling for past hurts, the last 7 years have stretched me in ways I never dreamed of. I think of a new mother pregnant for the first time, she has pains just because her body is growing to accommodate a growing baby, and eventually that pain too has meaning and goodness behind it.
In these last 7 years I had lost my Mom and Uncle to cancer, My Cousin (who was very dear to me like a brother) to suicide, My Stepfather (I called Dad) to a body broken by addiction, and My Grandfather to a failing heart while dealing with an early miscarriage the same week, and later that year found out I needed a hysterectomy. You could say during this time I also grieved my loss of "normal" living when I suffered a disease called RSD/CRPS.
When we lost Tony (our cousin) to suicide, My husband and I started a suicide prevention ministry called For the Broken.
We ran it for the last 5 years and it felt great to encourage and help others to hold on and chose life!
What I didn't realize is how much my pain and suffering opened my heart and eyes to the suffering of those I talked to and on every level; from those who contemplated suicide, to those suffering in body, some missing people they love who were now gone. God called some of us to endure, to keep strong faith in the middle of great suffering to be examples of strength and faith to others.
After the 5 years of doing ministry, we both knew God was calling us to Pastor an Online Interactive Church, we knew everyone was looking for hope, love and people to talk to. We hope to spread the Love of Jesus online. What I didn't realize is how well I would understand the brokenness so many different people are going through, it's all pain, but from different means. The most redemptive part is to use my broken and God-held-together life to minister to those who are close to me also.
Just this month I got to help my best friend of 22 years with the memorial of her mother. Her father had passed a few years prior, and because I know grief like this, I know this pain, I was able to help. I let God use me to help my very best friend. I got to tell her what grief looks like, and that most of what she is going through is totally normal. I got to cry with her, laugh over memories and be her strength and person to lean on. That is something so precious.
When we are in the midst of our pain we become very nearsighted, but as we walk further in the journey we truly see the usefulness of our pain.
One day I asked my husband, "Why do I go through all this pain? Why this broken body? Why can't I be "normal"? His response was perfect, "Because WE would never be able to reach the broken for Jesus." That is "why me", God knew what we would endure, but he made a way for it to do good, and be good. The enemy can throw anything my way, and sure sometimes I do fear he will, but with God NO weapon formed against me shall prosper, instead only good will come from what the enemy decides to throw my way.
Hope this inspires you to be present in the midst of your pain, to hopefully one day share your story, or to be strengthened in your endurance and faith. Your story WILL inspire others to hold onto hope that they are not alone in their suffering, to show them someone has been there and God is indeed very near to the brokenhearted.
Much love and prayers
Shevonne
Let me tell you just one story, but it is one of the most redeeming of my life. These last 7 years have been some of the hardest years I have ever lived, even after reconciling my life to God's hands completely, mending a rocky marriage, and getting counseling for past hurts, the last 7 years have stretched me in ways I never dreamed of. I think of a new mother pregnant for the first time, she has pains just because her body is growing to accommodate a growing baby, and eventually that pain too has meaning and goodness behind it.
In these last 7 years I had lost my Mom and Uncle to cancer, My Cousin (who was very dear to me like a brother) to suicide, My Stepfather (I called Dad) to a body broken by addiction, and My Grandfather to a failing heart while dealing with an early miscarriage the same week, and later that year found out I needed a hysterectomy. You could say during this time I also grieved my loss of "normal" living when I suffered a disease called RSD/CRPS.
When we lost Tony (our cousin) to suicide, My husband and I started a suicide prevention ministry called For the Broken.
We ran it for the last 5 years and it felt great to encourage and help others to hold on and chose life!
What I didn't realize is how much my pain and suffering opened my heart and eyes to the suffering of those I talked to and on every level; from those who contemplated suicide, to those suffering in body, some missing people they love who were now gone. God called some of us to endure, to keep strong faith in the middle of great suffering to be examples of strength and faith to others.
After the 5 years of doing ministry, we both knew God was calling us to Pastor an Online Interactive Church, we knew everyone was looking for hope, love and people to talk to. We hope to spread the Love of Jesus online. What I didn't realize is how well I would understand the brokenness so many different people are going through, it's all pain, but from different means. The most redemptive part is to use my broken and God-held-together life to minister to those who are close to me also.
Just this month I got to help my best friend of 22 years with the memorial of her mother. Her father had passed a few years prior, and because I know grief like this, I know this pain, I was able to help. I let God use me to help my very best friend. I got to tell her what grief looks like, and that most of what she is going through is totally normal. I got to cry with her, laugh over memories and be her strength and person to lean on. That is something so precious.
When we are in the midst of our pain we become very nearsighted, but as we walk further in the journey we truly see the usefulness of our pain.
One day I asked my husband, "Why do I go through all this pain? Why this broken body? Why can't I be "normal"? His response was perfect, "Because WE would never be able to reach the broken for Jesus." That is "why me", God knew what we would endure, but he made a way for it to do good, and be good. The enemy can throw anything my way, and sure sometimes I do fear he will, but with God NO weapon formed against me shall prosper, instead only good will come from what the enemy decides to throw my way.
Hope this inspires you to be present in the midst of your pain, to hopefully one day share your story, or to be strengthened in your endurance and faith. Your story WILL inspire others to hold onto hope that they are not alone in their suffering, to show them someone has been there and God is indeed very near to the brokenhearted.
Much love and prayers
Shevonne
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