Speeding Thru Life

Why is it we waste so much valuable time trying to speed from one season of our life to another? Most of us, myself included, get uncomfortable in the painful or slow growth seasons. We don't see the movement or the results we want right away. It could be society, but even if that is the case we as Christians have to learn to practice contentment and self-control. We must trust that in every single step, fast or slow, God is working things out for our good. Patience is one of the top needed attributes I believe besides forgiveness to really see the fruit from what God has planted in our purpose and calling.

Being content with where we are is partly acceptance and partly knowing who our God is! You must have faith that you will never lack when you have the God of the universes working on your side, no matter how it feels at that particular moment!

My husband works as the "safety" guy for an electric company but for telecommunications and one thing he teaches drivers is: that speeding to get to a destination faster is one of the most unsafe scenarios there is. To speed to get there faster usually only gets you there statistically 2 minutes faster!! So why risk your life and someone else's for the time it takes to park a car? Our travel times thru "seasons" are much the same, we rush the process and we not only don't learn the lessons we were intended to learn but it could possibly fail those we were meant to help with that lesson.

So slow down, enjoy God even in the hard stuff. Listen and stay calm! He really has it under control, promise!

Love and Prayers,

Shevonne

Why Me God?

I know I am not the only one who has ever asked this question. I could say I have all understanding of why I go through what I go through, but that of course would be a lie. What I can say though is every tear, every pain, all the grief, the hurt others had caused, ALL of it has been used in my life to show the goodness of God. You might wonder what I mean, how could God use grief for goodness? How can the thing that is breaking my heart at this very moment, be of any good?

Let me tell you just one story, but it is one of the most redeeming of my life. These last 7 years have been some of the hardest years I have ever lived, even after reconciling my life to God's hands completely, mending a rocky marriage, and getting counseling for past hurts, the last 7 years have stretched me in ways I never dreamed of. I think of a new mother pregnant for the first time, she has pains just because her body is growing to accommodate a growing baby, and eventually that pain too has meaning and goodness behind it.

In these last 7 years I had lost my Mom and Uncle to cancer, My Cousin (who was very dear to me like a brother) to suicide, My Stepfather (I called Dad) to a body broken by addiction, and My Grandfather to a failing heart while dealing with an early miscarriage the same week, and later that year found out I needed a hysterectomy. You could say during this time I also grieved my loss of "normal" living when I suffered a disease called RSD/CRPS.

When we lost Tony (our cousin) to suicide, My husband and I started a suicide prevention ministry called For the Broken.
We ran it for the last 5 years and it felt great to encourage and help others to hold on and chose life!
What I didn't realize is how much my pain and suffering opened my heart and eyes to the suffering of those I talked to and on every level; from those who contemplated suicide, to those suffering in body, some missing people they love who were now gone. God called some of us to endure, to keep strong faith in the middle of great suffering to be examples of strength and faith to others.

After the 5 years of doing ministry, we both knew God was calling us to Pastor an Online Interactive Church, we knew everyone was looking for hope, love and people to talk to. We hope to spread the Love of Jesus online. What I didn't realize is how well I would understand the brokenness so many different people are going through, it's all pain, but from different means. The most redemptive part is to use my broken and God-held-together life to minister to those who are close to me also.

Just this month I got to help my best friend of 22 years with the memorial of her mother. Her father had passed a few years prior, and because I know grief like this, I know this pain, I was able to help. I let God use me to help my very best friend. I got to tell her what grief looks like, and that most of what she is going through is totally normal. I got to cry with her, laugh over memories and be her strength and person to lean on. That is something so precious.

When we are in the midst of our pain we become very nearsighted, but as we walk further in the journey we truly see the usefulness of our pain.

One day I asked my husband, "Why do I go through all this pain? Why this broken body? Why can't I be "normal"? His response was perfect, "Because WE would never be able to reach the broken for Jesus." That is "why me",  God knew what we would endure, but he made a way for it to do good, and be good. The enemy can throw anything my way, and sure sometimes I do fear he will, but with God NO weapon formed against me shall prosper, instead only good will come from what the enemy decides to throw my way.

Hope this inspires you to be present in the midst of your pain, to hopefully one day share your story, or to be strengthened in your endurance and faith. Your story WILL inspire others to hold onto hope that they are not alone in their suffering, to show them someone has been there and God is indeed very near to the brokenhearted.

Much love and prayers
Shevonne 

Refined, but beautifully broken...

The more we hide our weaknesses,  the more they consume us. Choking us with guilt and shame, eventually leading us to an isolated pit of despair. Our lips should be willing to freely confess these kinds of things. Being transparent only tells the world that you too have issues, pains, scars, and hang ups. It doesn't make you less valuable or in a sense unworthy if you tell the truth and call yourself a Christian.
The Catholics have this part right, confession is good for the soul, they don't hide their sins or short comings, but when we know we have a Counselor, Helper, Advocate named the Holy Spirit who is with us to refine us through the fires of life. We can confess, be changed and move to the next issue that needs refining. We burn brighter for God when we let the refining fire burn away our impurities, instead of covering them up with fake gold!
Let's do this Brothers and Sisters, let's stop hiding our brokenness, instead tell the devil we may be "Beautifully Broken," but only for God to shine through.
His fire, His Spirit, is what changes us from ragged sinners to refined saints. Not one of us is perfect. This was Jesus' sole purpose: to step in for us and be our perfection. The more we let the fire of God burn out our impurities, through confession and growth, the more we start to look just like Jesus. Pure Perfection, out of a broken vessel.
Find someone you trust, be real, be you, and let God work in you and through you. You may even surprise yourself.
Much Love,
Shevonne Daley

How could you not know?!

You are LOVED! God loved you so much that he gave up the very best the world ever had in it (Jesus) to be connected to you! If that doesn't humble you a bit, He also makes the world spin around every day, the sunset and sunrise for you. He has every right to end life as we know it, with all the evil and hate roaring all over the world. Instead He chooses to SEE Love, chose you to BE Love, and will POUR out MORE Love. We must continue to strive to bring His presence to a dark world. He is here, right now and believes in you! Remember who made you, who loves you and who protects you. He is faithful and never failing in His love for His children. He looks you in the face and says, "You are mine. I choose you every day." Remember this friends ♡
Happy Sunday
Love and Prayers,
Shevonne Daley

Apology and Encouraging Word

I wanted to apologize that our video encouragements have not been done as of yet. I had a few hiccups along the way. Praying forward that they will be available in the near future.
But I have been able to use this time to dive in deeper with God on my Spiritual Gifts and where in the future he wants to use them. I encourage you to take a Spiritual Gifts test and see where God may be leading you to help the local church body, or what ministry you may plug into. Here is the link of one of the test I have done before:
http://www.churchgrowth.org/cgi-cg/gifts.cgi?intro=1

Find out your Spiritual Gifts and then find out more about each gifting and pray where God would lead you. You are made as a part of the Body and the Body needs your gifts. Praying you are encouraged by God and your purpose becomes clearer as you learn more!
Love and Prayers,
Shevonne Daley

A word on Reconciliation (Announcement of new things coming)

I am excited to announce, that soon we will have Encouraging Words with Yours Truly! A weekly encouragement for those who need a lift.

This weeks Encouraging Word will be on forgiveness and the word "Reconciliation". We often forgive, and move on, and truly that is okay, if the heart has been healed. Though God's true purpose for forgiveness is to turn the situation around that was meant to bring death to a relationship, and emotional destruction to those involved, He wants instead to bring life, purpose and freedom. I can't wait to share how God brought reconciliation to a relationship I thought would never be whole, never have true fruit, but God had brought it fully and completely around. In fact at that same time He healed two relationships in my life. God always seems to know how to bless above and beyond what we can ever imagine. SO stay tuned!

Lots of love and Prayers,
Shevonne Daley

I must forgive THEM?

Pastor James is speaking on a subject that is a chain-breaker, really it is. This subject is one of the hardest for all people to swallow, unbelievers and believers alike. I have many areas where forgiveness played a role, but the hardest act of forgiveness for me was that of forgiving my rapists, the police who didn't protect me, and most of all myself for ever getting into that situation in the first place.

Many see me now and never realize the deep hurts that have happened. I attribute all that to the ability to forgive. Letting God's grace for me to be my guide. Forgiving even THEM helped me to release the heavy weight their presence had on my thought life. Once I was able to let go, and in a sense let God be the judge that He is, I was able to breathe better again.

Six years ago, I was separated from Bobby, and deep in my self destruction. I was overly intoxicate one night while bar hopping with a friend. This friend and I lost each other in the mix of people, and the bars were closing anyway. At last call I went to smoke a cigarette and began talking to a bouncer. Not thinking much of it told him I was alone and had lost my friend, all the other stuff I said I really don't remember. (Later the police think I may have been either more intoxicated than I thought, or drugged.) So now the bar was closed and I walk very carefully to my minivan. I knew I couldn't drive so I was going to sleep in my van. I began throwing up. The bouncer from before drove up with a friend and offered to drive me and my van home, his friend would follow and then they would go on their way. I clearly wasn't thinking I didn't know this guy from Adam, but I figured he was a bouncer and they must have some sort of background check (that much I thought about.) We make it to my apartment (the kids of course were with Bobby that weekend.) and I said thank you for the ride and hugged him. I guess this was a welcoming gesture. He asked to come in for a minute and I am so naive I said yes.
Five minutes later his friend follows and I sense I am in trouble, my whole body is telling me to flee, and I don't know what to do. I know what they are after. I just wanted to live! I just begged them to use protection. I didn't want to end up pregnant by one of them or with AIDS.

They left and I immediately showered. Every woman who has been through this that I have talked to does the same thing, they just want the whole thing to wash away! I passed out right after and woke still dizzy and a mess. I immediately called the police department when I woke up. They came listened to my story, I filed the report and they said, "Because you asked them to use protection you gave consent." This floored me. I wasn't allowed to try and protect some part of myself. I felt violated all over again. I was hurt and angry! I didn't want to go to the ER right away, but I went a day later, alone. Having a rape kit done feels like a whole other violation in itself honestly. I just wanted to tuck all this way and NEVER think about it again.

I was numb for almost 2 years afterwards to the whole situation, anytime I talked about it I was distant. Like it didn't happen. Finally it came back to the surface and I knew I needed to deal with it. How it hit me, I watched a Law and Order Special Victims Unit and the story was so parallel to mine it shook me. I cried off and on til the next day, and then Facebook recommended a friend, and the name and profile looked like one of my rapist and I came unglued. Thank God Cheryl was my mentor and counselor at the time, I called her and she said now was the time to really get into this. I went over to meet with her and we began to talk about forgiveness.

WHAT!? I have to forgive them? They violated my life, my body, plagued my mind and emotions and now I had to forgive them. It hurt more that they not only stole a piece of my dignity but stole my paycheck that was to pay for mine and my kids groceries that week so long ago. I had more value on what we ate then myself. I was so ashamed of myself. Now I had to "get over it", at least I thought that's what forgiveness meant. To forget it ever happened.

On the contrary, I will always remember, but I had to realize these men were used by the enemy to try and destroy me, they woke me up from my bad choices also. I do not believe God meant me harm. I do believe however I was awakened from a bad dream, when this incident happened it was the moment I had realized I was in a hole I needed to start getting out of.

It was now though, sitting with Cheryl I realized I let them have more control over my life then I ever wanted to allow. I had been numb to my feelings, my heartbreak, and my disappointment. I had to feel, then heal. I had to forgive them and give them over to God. If they never faced a day in jail, I had to let that go. If they were still out there, I had to say, "God you know my fear, and I trust you!"

As far as those officers, they were right. They told me that information to save me from a trial were I may be humiliated and tormented even more. In a sense I am thankful for that. I did feel let down by the system, but I had to be okay with God's justice and not the worlds justice. God knows more of what happened then these officers ever could.

That very day I let it go, I was free! FREE! How could this be? Their influence and power over my life was gone. They couldn't have my everyday. I was no longer wrapped in fear, or anger. Now I just felt shame.

Here was the hard part. Forgiving myself. I let myself and my family down. I put us all in harms way. What was I thinking? Well see that was it. I wasn't. I was so far gone at the time, I didn't think. I had to forgive my thoughtlessness. I had to forgive myself for being so broken. For becoming a victim once again (had a past of sexual abuse). This was hard. Harder than anything else.

"God if you forgive me, why can't I forgive myself?" Was the question I often asked myself. I wanted to punish myself for my sins. I was taking God's place. Did I not think He could handle me? Wow, how messed up I truly was. God had more mercy with me then I felt I ever deserved. (This is why I worship Him so wholeheartedly).

That day in Cheryl's living room, I had to forgive the hurting messed up version of me I once was and move on to the new, wiser, and whole version of me. We decided to meet up with Bobby soon and pray over my new life, break of soul ties (which is another topic), and move to the new, brighter future.

I can't say it doesn't ever bother me, I do remember, and have had painful flashbacks. BUT! I remember that those thoughts and memories are the enemy bringing up things already dealt with, and that is when I hand it back to God. He takes it and kisses me and we walk hand and hand, moving on.

If you have dealt with major hurts, pains that people have inflicted on you, or you have inflicted on yourself, know that it is never too late to forgive. Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, it means moving on to bigger and better that God has to offer you. Trusting Him to ultimately take care of it all. He is Just, He is Good and He is Love.

Be blessed my friends
Love and Prayers,
Shevonne Daley